just maybe

i got to sleep in today.
such a good feeling. i woke feeling so comfortable and cozy and didnt want to get out of bed.

i made fish tacos for lunch.
with mango salsa and homemade guac. i would have to admit they were pretty stellar.

jon got free tickets to the taping of comedy central presents : shane mauss & rachel feinstein. both were fully hilarious and made me laugh over and over again.

we went to dinner at beacon .
it was amazing. i had an incredible filet mignon with a cabernet wild mushroom sauce.
heaven. an absolutely delicious meal.

all in all the day was wonderful. good food. good entertainment. good company.
all in this beautiful, magical city.

but.
((why does there have to be a 'but'????))

after getting home from dinner and getting ready to head to the les to celebrate my sweet friend erins birthday, i was overcoming with such a great amount of emotion. ((read as: i was having an emotional fit and couldnt stop crying... while jon looked at me trying to understand and not understanding why this was happening...))

maybe its the cold weather that is creeping in and reminding me that winter is on its way.
and i know from an email from dolores today that it was a gorgeous/windows open kind of day in san antonio.


maybe its because its november. and i know that means thanksgiving.
and i know that this will be the first thanksgiving that i wont be with my family.

maybe its because last weekend was homecoming at tcu.
and i know how badly i wish i could have been there in fort worth with my girls.

maybe it's because basketball season started.
and i know that the spurs fans in the city are practically non-existant.

maybe its because my cousin stacey just posted pictures on facebook of my family and my cousins playing at my house.
and i know that if i were there i would be stuck in the middle next to david amongst all those little ones.

whatever it may be... maybe, just maybe all of these little things have built up and have really struck me. im having a moment.

timeout.
i know i live in an incredible city.
i know i am a lucky girl to have this opportunity.
i know i am blessed to be where i am.

but.
((because there's always a but?))

i miss my family and i miss home.
i can't help it.
and i don't think it's fair to hold it against me.

i thought that having jon here would help with the sadness of missing home on occassion. but i realized, that while it is awesome having him here, it doesnt prevent me from still missing home.

so for now, i just wanted to reflect and let it be known that yes, i realize i am one of the luckiest girls in the world.

i live in new york city.
and in this city i am actively pursuing a career that excites me. i have a boyfriend that cares about me, makes me happy and keeps me smiling. i have friends that are talented, and funny and have good hearts.

i have so much more than many people can say they have.
and yet i can still find myself in this moment of sadness?

i believe it's because while i am so blessed here in the city, so much of my heart is in texas where i have deep friendships and the most amazing family in the world. i love you all so very much - please know i am thinking of you today and always.

so there.
thanks for bearing with me.
just needed to get that one of my chest!

going to get cozy and perhaps get to bed early tonight.
love.